I'm searching for the right words tonight...real words.
I know that God is here. And I believe with all my soul that He is here. But I have been having a hard time feeling that He is here.
It's my fault, of course. Because I move and I move without stopping and sometimes without thinking. And then all of the sudden life happens. A blow. A punch in the gut and I'm not prepared, because though He is here, I wasn't drawing near.
Our most recent blow...Chad lost his job about a week and half ago. I could go on a bitter rampage about how wrong they were in their reasonings and the way they did it. But I won't because it doesn't matter.
If I'm honest, though, I am bitter. But it didn't start a week and half ago. It started almost three years ago when our financial famine really began. It's been three years of not answering the phone without checking the caller ID, of late fees, of red letters on our back statements, of robbing Peter to pay Paul, of gift cards "from Jesus" left on our front porch, and of praying for an end but hearing silence. We have been living paycheck to paycheck and right now there isn't any coming.
Funny thing is...I'm not panicked. And better than that, I'm beginning to feel Him again. I'm beginning to see His hand moving. And I'm beginning to think that this is not a curse at all, but that God is answering our prayers.
Don't get me wrong...we've had interviews, but no callbacks.
Would you pray for us again? Pray that God moves another miracle for our family. Pray that this job loss is actually the end of our financial woes and not the beginning. And pray that I would find my comfort and strength from the only One who can truly give it to me.
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